Where's My Ocean?

Em,

There's some things I'd wished that I'd told you before now but never got the chance. Things that have echoed in my head since we were just kids.

I loved you very much. I loved your openly inquisitive nature, your poetic language, your stillness. I loved your hands and I loved your eyes but I was afraid of them too; afraid those hands wouldn't hold me and that those eyes would not regard me any more. I was afraid of losing you and so held you tighter to my chest, but your breath escaped through my fingers and my breath could not suffice your own. Like that, I strangled you in my arms over and over again and then I left you breathless and alone because I couldn't stand to watch you respire without me. I am so sorry. I'm sorry I locked you up inside of me. I'm sorry I depended on you for my happiness. I'm sorry our friends wrongfully turned against you. I'm sorry I tried to hurt you and I'm sorry that I did. I'm sorry I've been punishing you in my heart ever since. You once wrote that you would do anything to erase the hurt from my face; it was never your doing to cleanse. My hurt came from somewhere deeper and you should never have been made my savior nor my suffering should have ever been made yours. I've resented you for dismissing me years after, but now please be unchained from my past. I don't know what you think of me anymore and I'm not going to hope to know. I won't wish to see you again, I won't ask to know why I can't. Slumber in the passages of my memory.

I'll always think of you well.

Goodbye.

-Tim