10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag

Those disparaging circumstances that i had been talking about, they must have heard me cuz they're here and picketing outside my window.

I'm sitting in the middle of my half disassembled room, there's dirty clothes piled up, my shower is full of drying dishes, there's a blender next to my toothbrush, I'm staring at a bag of garlic flavored croutons and crying . I'm officially pathetic.

So I have to move out very, very soon because the woman I rent from is a cruel uncaring bitch. My only alternatives right now are to move in with Natalia or pack it up and go home (comparable to slamming my nuts in the freezer)... moving in with Natalia seems the better. I have till the end of the month, but as one put it, the bitch is fucking Machiavellian... I can't continue to stay here, it isn't healthy for me.

I'd just started looking for a new place b/c I thought I'd have plenty of time, supposedly six months to make the transition, but Mitzy decided she couldn't wait and pretty much told me to get out. It was going to be hard enough just finding a place, now I have to face packing up my whole life (again) w/o having any clear idea of where I'm going. I don't even know how I'm moving the stuff... I imagine myself carrying everything to her apartment by the armloads... good thing I've been working out, heh. Everytime I try to take all my maps and pictures down off the wall I just start crying, everytime I try to discuss how we're going to do this with N I feel overwhelmed and panicy. I'm fucking just so fucking scared and hurt and furious... and alone.

Why do I keep getting abandoned...? I just wish things would settle long enough for me to focus on getting better instead of always having to focus on things not getting worse.

Well, this is the lastest test wether I'll cave in or tough it through. At least we'll get to see if I'm full of shit or not. Things are definitely going to get worse before they get better.

Asi es