regarding rat-eating outcastes

I've been reading a new translation of the Bhagavad Gita and I wanted to share some passages that I find especially insightful:

Bhagavad Gita, a new translation by Stephen Mitchell

You have a right to your actions,
but never to your actions' fruits.
Act for action's sake.
And do not be attached to inaction.
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Actions are really performed
by the working of the three gunas;
but a man deluded by the I-sense
imagines, "I am the doer."
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It is better to do your own duty
badly, than to perfectly do
another's; you are safe from harm
when you do what you should be doing.
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When a man has let go of attachments,
when his mind is rooted in wisdom,
everything he does is worship
and his actions all melt away.

God is the offering, God
is the offered, poured out by God
God is attained by all those
who see God in every action.
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Wise men regard all beings
as equal: a learned priest,
a cow, an elephant, a rat,
or a filthy, rat-eating outcaste.
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Pleasures from external objects
are wombs of suffering, Arjuna.
They have their beginnings and their ends;
no wise man seeks joy among them.
----------------------------------
The mature man, fulfilled in wisdom,
resolute, looks with equal
detachment at a lump of dirt,
a rock, or a piece of pure gold.

He looks impartially on all:
those who love him or hate him,
his kinsmen, his enemies, his friends,
the good, and also the wicked.
----------------------------------
For the man who is moderate in food
and pleasure, moderate in action,
moderate in sleep and waking
yoga [of meditation] destroys all sorrow

...to be continued

The Mexico City Blues

Beggar man on subway steps
As his leg rots away
I give him 5 pesos
But he won't live to spend it anyways
He's got the Mexico City blues
We've got the Mexico City blues
His pain is the citys' reflection
Called The Mexico City Blues

A mime comforts street traffic
And I swear I can hear him cry
But if a car ran him over
He wouldn't even sigh
He's got the Mexico City blues
We've got the Mexico City blues
No one here has a voice
To sing The Mexico City Blues

When you goin' cross town, best keep your eyes down,
You're in-access-able!
Don't let those people know, that you see them on their own,
They're re-proach-able!

Sin streaks down this town, like a bride's bloody gown,
-- How will we cleanse it?!
Rain may fall here like tears, may drench them for years,
But it leaves them even filthier!

Every cure is just a ruse,
For those Mexico City Blues.

Hands cracked and bloody
Pockets full of pain
The dogs have no friends
The children have no names
They've got the Mexico City Blues
We've got the Mexico City Blues
Forgotten People never forgot
'Bout The Mexico City Blues

The people live for manana
Because there's no hope left for today
But tomorrow never comes
Everyday remains the same
They've got the Mexico City Blues
I've got the Mexico City Blues
Maybe tomorrow'll be better
For our Mexico City Blues

You could lend out your hand, you could help a brother stand,
But then you'd get dirty?!
You'd rather just ignore, those helpless and those poor,
cuz you think you've got dignity?!

The City of Hope, for millions is a joke
Hope ain't on the way!
But just go bout your day, there's no reason to stray,
It ain't your problem!

There's just no way to lose,
Those Mexico City Blues.

There just ain't no way to looooose,
Those Mexico City Blues.

(adios)

Nina Simone - Feeling Good

Birds flyin' high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
yeah, its a new dawn its a new day its a new life for me ooooooooh
AND I'M FEELING GOOD

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
River runnin' free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
And I'm feelin good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what i mean dont you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done that's what I mean
And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Yeah, Freedom is mine, and I know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
OH I'M FEELING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

I got my ass kicked HARD

Hahaha. That's right. So, after I told the guy behind the desk at Master Gym that I wasn't going to sign up for another month he starts shoving me and kicking my ass RIGHT OUT THE DOOR! ...this fucking country... maybe he thought I said I wasn't going to buy his mom for another month and he felt bad for her...lol, I dunno, but it's STRANGE. I called him a fat redneck and ran away, lol. Anyhows, so I joined gym number SIX today. Six gyms in four months. Kaarazy, man. After that I went on to bench 154 pounds (70 kilos) that's almost as much as I weigh!

Obviously, they can't get me down, but you can keep tryin SUKKAS!!!

Conquering the Beast

My depression ran like diseased clockwork for fifteen years. For fifteen brutal years its' chime brought the rusted gears of my positive mind to a grinding halt; those tortuous finite hours became an infinity after infinity. It was during one of these when I told a girl whom I loved like a hummmingbird loves the sweetness of nectar that I would never become a better man, that I would never change, that I would only disappoint her and myself, that I would be ruined forever. That I could only poison her sweetness. She didn't try to persuade me otherwise; she believed it because I believed it.

I didn't just lose that girl once, I lost her over and over and over again. and every time that I lost her I vowed to myself that I *would* change, that I *would* become a better man, because if being the man I was meant losing the precious gifts this world has to offer me, if it meant losing her, then I didn't want to be that kind of person anymore. I wanted to be good for her; I wanted to be good for me. That was a seed. That was a start.

Fast forward.

Here I am, 1 month and 1 day of solid, unbroken, unhampered wellness. Over one month and I don't feel the gears in my mind winding down in the slightest. In this month without Sun, in this month of wind and rain, my depression, it seems, stayed indoors. The past seven days I've been holding my breath waiting for the other galosh to innevitably drop, but it never did. The Beast never came. It's a miracle. (actually, no, it was hard fucking work).

For the first time since that Beast began to feed off me, I'm beginning to see that it *is* conquerable. That with everything I've accomplished, every challenge I've overcome, every weakness I've bested, every setback I've endured, that change is possible. Somehow, someway, something is different. I'm different. I changed.

I recognize that the Beast is still there, that it's only in hibernation or off on holiday, and that it will be back again. But next time he returns I won't feel helpless. Next time he comes back I won't run and hide; I'll invite him in for a taste of my tea. It's a recipe I found for betterment and I'm going to follow every-little-step while I serve him. From now on his visits will be rarer and rarer and one day he won't care to visit at all.

He doesn't like my tea. (it's too sweet)

Whatever it was that I was looking for in Mexico, I may have finally found it in me. I'm almost ready to move on now... but I'm also in no hurry. I'm not swimming against the current anymore; the tides have turned.

God Bless. ;)

Lauryn Hill - Everything is Everything

Everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually

I wrote these words for everyone
Who struggles in their youth
Who won't accept deception
Instead of what is truth
It seems we lose the game,
Before we even start to play
Who made these rules? We're so confused
Easily led astray
Let me tell ya that

Everything is everything
Everything is everything
After winter, must come spring
Everything is everything
Change, it comes eventually

Sometimes it seems
We'll touch that dream
But things come slow or not at all
And the ones on top, won't make it stop
So convinced that they might fall
Let's love ourselves then we can't fail
To make a better situation
Tomorrow, our seeds will grow
All we need is dedication

Everything is everything
What is meant to be, will be
After winter, must come spring
Change, it comes eventually

Tenacious D - Friendship

Friendship is rare,
Do you know what I'm sayin' to you?
Friendship is rare.
My derriere,
When you find out much later
That they don't really care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?

Oh shit there's a bear,
Could you hand me that shotgun buddy,
Also that chair?
We're fighting a bear
Now your life's in grave danger
And you don't even care.
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me, can't you see?
It's rare to me,
Say a prayer for me,
'Cause it's rare to be
In Tenacious D.

Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!

Friends will be friends
They're running naked in the sand,
Friends holding hands
Will someday surely form a band,
Friends will be friends
They say that friends are friends
To the bitter end.
Long-as-there's-a-record-deal-we'll-always-be-friends!
Long as there's a record deal we'll always be friends, yeah

A Farewell to a Past on this Track Toward the Future

I bid fond farewells to those people I was,
Before boarding my train on tracks laid with love.
A glance out the window to see if you're there,
Now I look straight ahead, you're not anywhere.

How was I different, how was I then, that childe
Whose hand you once held, who needed your smile?
But I won't look to my past to see what's in store,
No beggar got rich by remembering he's poor.

I bid farewell to that boy, I put his toys in a box,
Saying a prayer, I seal up the lid and slip on a lock.
I have no more hold on such childish games,
Like the ones that we made, the ones you still play.

I wish I had saved you, like I so saved myself,
But you built your own cage, you locked your own cell.
Maybe there's comfort for you, carrying your term,
Or maybe prison and freedom you cannot discern.

These thoughts pass my mind as the train starts to roll;
How you are not here, yet I'm less alone.
Farewell to your absence, I've instead chosen peace,
But no farewells to you, because you'll always have me.

No farewells to you. You'll always have me.

The Lioness

She loosed her primal hunting call
From atop her crafted throne
The jungle offered up its' throat
The shadows stirred and moaned

She rush'd upon that trembling night
A midnights' dashing dance
Surrounding darkness held its' breath
As caressed into a trance

She ran in stride with boundless wolves
She howled out with the moon
For a shining glimmer of burning truth
For her bless'd chance to bloom

But of battles forged in her desire
Naught did prove her mighty measure
Naught that gave her moments' chase
Could lead her to her most sought treasure

Warrior woman, you huntress of the Sky
You who stalks elusive prey
To feed elusive homesick hungers,
Elusive thirsts give way:

Roam ever onward; A sacred Lioness
To chase down loft'd skies
You will Will that true way Home
At last to clutch your prize.

The Church - Under The Milkyway

Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty
Sound of their breath fades with the light
I think about the loveless fascination
Under the Milky Way tonight

Lower the curtain down on Memphis
Lower the curtain down all right
I got no time for private consultation
Under the Milky Way tonight

Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find

And it's something quite peculiar
Something shimmering and white
Leads you here despite your destination
Under the Milky Way tonight

Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find
Wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find

Under the Milky way tonight..
Under the Milky Way tonight...

fuck-a-gram

Well, I'm finally free of the Bungal bonds of servitude! After hours of waiting around and signing my name and fingerprinting - what should have been my middle finger - documents ironically printed in a comic book font stipulating that I won't sue Georgal or do anything sketchy (like they did to me) and that we aren't boyfriend/girlfriend anymore. After all that the lawers at the government office for arbitration and conciliation - or something - handed me my passport and two checks for $50 pesos each, the exact amount it will cost to send Mr. Georgal a first class "fuck you very much" singing telegram. I wonder if they have those here... I would consider it... maybe a lil jingle like...

"Dear Mister Bungal and all his trained monkeys, pucker your lips and apply to my Jockeys. Your famed 'Georgal Method' was a comical farce, I doubt you have method for wiping your arse. But that makes good sense and makes a great laugh since your ass is too crammed with the heads of your staff. Yes, your school was a joke, you arrogent prick, so I hope you get bent and choke on a dick."

...yeah, something heart warming like that would be nice. Anyways, they can go fuck themselves, whether or not it rhymes, but either way I'm glad to have gotten my passport back. Now I can finally buy my plane ticket to visit Columbus in August!

I started working for a new school last week. The outfit's called Language Empowerment Facilitators Association, LEFA, it's a new school that's just starting up and it's run by the mother of one of G's friends, giving them a touch more credibility and a handful more humanity. The pay is really good, 2/3 more than I was making with Whoregal, the hours are more comfortable, I'm not nagged about checking in with them everyday like a teenaged daughter out past curfew or carring around a cheap imitation car-leather upholstered briefcase with their logo bumper stickered on it, and I only have one boss instead of 15 morons pulling me in 20 different directions all at once. I'll be working evenings instead of the butt crack of dawn so I'll be able to jog and go to the gym and do all my other activities in the morning before I'm utterly exhausted. It kind of sucked going from lifting weights to going directly to bed, so I think I'll like this routine much better. The best part is I won't have to screw around with the G's recibos de honororios anymore, in other words, I'll get paid cash. I won't be getting a visa, but there's no false hope of getting one either. I've all but given up on that ill-fated prospect, but I guess I don't really need one anyhow. The only real downside is that there's about a three hour daily commute to Santa Fe, but without needing to fumble around with a stupid briefcase I'll be free to read, or work on my class plan, or listen to my headphones, so it's no biggie. So far it's worked out well, I hope it stays that way.

Well, it's July now, I guess that means I'll be depressed again soon... I don't feel like I will be, but then again I never do until I am. The difference this time is I all but quit smoking pot at the end of May, we'll see if that helps. Well, that's not the only difference, it's that combined with everything else; the meditation, the swimming, the jogging, the weight lifting, the diet, the writing, the cigarette smoking, the career change, the iron clad routine, etc. I'm really running out of changes to make my life more healthy and balanced, lord knows I've been trying my best... I guess if nothing's different this time I'll double up on my meds... and after that ...?