Slide (show)

These were taken in Puerto Escondido and Zipolite in Oaxaca, Mexico in 2005.

Bungal Idiomas Pt. I - The Interview, "Are You Crazy and Submissive Enough to Work Here?"

Like I said, I work at an english school called Bungle, named after the owner. I shouldn't give the impression that I work in a school with classrooms and blakboards and computer labs and the like... the "school" is really just a big office, with a few conference rooms... no, I always go to my students (and travel hours and hours doing it). I like my students lots and lots; highly self motivated intelligent enthusiastic business types. Delightful. I even like the internal staff of bungle, they're all really nice (almost too nice)... It's Bungle itself that is really the diseased center of it all their stupid protcols and methods and briefcases and bullshit.

pt. 1. The Interview Process: "Are You Crazy and Submissive Enough to Work Here?"

The first day of interviewing was pretty standard; I filled out my personal and employment histories onto clipboard clasped forms. I worked at such an such a place from then until blah, blah, blah. I wrote down my strengths (loyal, motivated, unhip) and my weaknesses (compulsive over-achieving and workaholism) and so on. Then I got an english test which makes sense. No problems there. Then an essay, "The Perfect Class". Uh-huh. I'm to draw a house with a tree and a boy doing something and write a story about that. ho-hum. They ask me my stance on "sexual relations".

wait... what!? back up a sec.

Yeah, I guess this was the psychological/dig up your life portion of the testing process. They asked me that and about what my parents did and how much they made, and if they had gotten divorced or not, what my brothers and sisters did and where they lived, if I dissapproved of people who aren't married living in the same home together, if I approved of having children, what I think of my father, what I think of my mother... Each and every one of them should have to tell me what they think of their screwed up families. What was I supposed to say? That my dad used to punch and punch himself everytime he made a wrong turn in his land rover and that my brother is schizophrinic or a borderline personality or some fucking thing and gave me up to the cops when I was 15, that I grew up in a house where my mom was so distant (or she pretended to be so distant) that she didn't notice the parties and the drugs and the hellfire going on in the backyard... These are the things that stick out about my childhood the most, because I'm a sour motherfucker. There was a lot of good too and that's what I told them about (the rest I made up) but it's still not any of their fucking business, it was me who was interviewing for the job not my fucking family or my sex life or orientation or whatever. lol, I guess these practices aren't legal in the US. Freedom to have a fucked up family. Amen.

Well, I guess I did okay because I came back for 3 or 4 more interviews (they all asked these same questions about my family again) and I'm working there now.

...to be continued

Cheese Cows and Robots

I come from the mythic land of Columbus, Ohio, populated by obese cows and morbidly obese people. Every year we had a fair where they carved a giant golden cow out of cheese... just like Moses's brother did, although Moses didn't eat it afterwards. The streets were crowded with palaces called Hoggy's and McDonald's and Golden Corral: All You Can Eat, where families dined on a steady supply of genetically engineered meat composite followed by a dessert trough of synthesized glucosey goodness. This is what most people in Columbus seemed to live for. I'll admit, it was a major improvement over the previously favored raw fat ass injection and just as effective. Columbus is the third fattest city in the union, 'nuff said. Without a college degree I was looking forward to working my way through the ranks to become manager at one of these fine binging institutions, there's plenty of work in that sector anyhow.

Recently someone had replaced the service industry workers with machines and I found myself in the grocery store being wished "a really great day" by Robbie the Checkout Robot who had never had a great, terrible, or so-so day in his pseudo-life. At some point I actually began thanking Robbie for his vacuous good wishes... and looking forward to our brief encounters together. It was time to leave or go crazy from the human isolation.

I met a gal from Mexico City who came to Columbus and about a year and a half ago we came back to Mexico City together ( and had some much more interesting adventures around this country). We broke up last August, but have remained friends since.

There are a lot of similarities between Columbus and D.F. (malls, movie theatres, automation, fatties, Segways), but they aren't as prominently showcased here. And I can take comfort that there are still places relatively untouched by modern civilization.. I know because I've seen some of them. I'd love to move somewhere in Oaxaca and live the kind of bohemian lifestyle that I know suits me, but it just isn't very realistic, cuz I gots to work. So I shaved off my beard and cut off my hair and got a job at Bungle Inc. just because I can speak (and teach) english. Basically I teach high level executives how to say words like "fuck" and "shit"... and I'm fucking good as shit at it too. Now I'm pretty well settled in this metropolis and finally feeling like there's something more wholesome in my life. I even quit smoking almost a month and a half ago.

I really love this crazy city with all its circus-like musings, but still, I feel like there's something that I should be doing that I'm not... I'm a big believer in destiny and signs and meaning, and I believe that all of those things led me here but I just haven't discovered their purpose yet. I plan to stay here and keep exploring until I do. I'll never move back to Columbus.